GOOD WORK, ZOMBIE ARM...

Dread Beverages…

More quick ‘n’ crappy doodles/product pitches inspired by offbeat, upbeat Twitter conversations. ‘Dread Beverages’ were collectively created by the very excellent chaps, Marc McEntegart (the visionary who conceived HorrorMilk) and John Steele (the great mind behind TerrorNectar and FearBeer).

I will be milking these horrors, indeed. Drink it up: it always goes down smooth…

Death Star Top Hat as Modeled by Grand Moff Tarkin…

Just because there’s been a lack of doodle action lately and because I got into a bizarre Twitter conversation with the venerable Luke Holland which ended in him conceiving a Death Star-shaped top hat. I’m all for headgear based on the spaceships of the Star Wars saga. I could totally rock a cap that looks like a Corellian corvette or an Imperial Star Destroyer. TIE-fighter balaclavas; X-Wing caps; Boba Fett’s Slave I beanie - all these things would blow minds (but contain those blown minds and keep them cosy and warm in Hoth winters/protected from sunstroke in Tatooine summers).

Introducing Cosmojoe, Psychomorphic Lover from Outer Space…

How about some cosmic romance with a touch of telekinesis, kids? This character was spawned for the very excellent Timothy Winchester who produces People I Know webcomics when he called for submissions for Boyfriend Week. The idea was to find a boyfriend for Toby the lonely dinosaur so I conjured up Cosmojoe - sentient stellar matter who will take the form and flavour of whatever you fancy.

Read more and see loads of superb boyfriend submissions on his blog and keep looking to the stars and using your positive mental will if you’re lonely…

Accursed Lungs-Chap…

Allow me, dear friends, to share with you a tragic tale of times long past. It concerns the unfortunate Lord Lawrence Belljar-Chuffley - former tobacco tycoon, media magnate, monocle-wearing philanthropist and esteemed national treasure as decreed by the 1877 British Empire National Treasure Awards Commission. He celebrated his new National Treasure status by sending a bag of liquorice allsorts to every war widow in Her Majesty’s Commonwealth. Bless ‘im. What a lovely chap he was…

Sadly, his Lordship’s good fortune faded when a deranged occultist decided to direct his wrath at Belljar-Chuffley. Blaming the cancer he’d contracted on the aristocrat’s prestige branded cigarillos, Emmett Eisheth kidnapped Lord Lawrence and locked him in a secret subterranean location where he subjected the aristocrat to a horrendous-yet-creative array of pseudo-scientific experiments and arcane magick rituals.

After 7 months of being treated to recondite torture practices, Belljar-Chuffley was nothing more than a pair of lungs, only identifiable by his trademark monocle and oh-so-dapper moustachio. Considering death to be an act of mercy, Her Majesty’s government put the poor Lord out of his misery immediately after Eisheth had been tried and hanged for his heinous crimes. The whereabouts of what is left of Lord Lawrence remain a state secret though it is rumoured that they were traded by Great Britain during World War II and are now in possession of a private collector.

So goes the tragic tale of Lord Lawrence Belljar-Chuffley. Spare a thought for that sad accursed pair of lungs next time you’re smoking a cigarillo or choking on a liquorice allsort…

Megalomaniacs Who Never Achieved their Potential #1 - Aleksander Gregorz Trampulzavanowicz…

Born in 1906 in the Polish town of Katowice, Aleksander Gregorz Trampulzavanowicz - “Springy Alex” to his friends - had ambitions to rule the known Universe from a very young age. After 30 years of frustration - failed military uprisings, unsuccessful Doomsday device experiments, a backfiring attempt to make everyone in Europe addicted to beetroot liquor - Trampulzavanowicz launched his grand masterplan.

Deciding that a travelling circus was the perfect front for a global takeover, Aleksander assembled an army of contortionists, gymnasts, clowns and other assorted carnival folk. He had complete control and dominion over them because they were desperately addicted to beetroot liquor.

Sadly for Trampulzavanowiz, he broke his neck when he fell off his miniature trampoline during a dress rehearsal ahead of opening night in Smolensk. He died instantly and his troupe soon all followed him having contracted fatal food poisoning from badly-brewed beetroot liquor.

Fox Curioso Ultra-Rough Sketch…

Here’s something foxy: a very rough scribbling of Fox Curioso who’s a hybrid of Sherlock Holmes, Sam Spade and Fantastic Mr. Fox from an alternate early 20th century Europe of my own fabrication. I wrote a story about him for my March Madness picture book mission and I like the character. I’d like to do more with him and build his multiverse. I may make this a priority…

In the meantime, the most inept vulpine private investigator in history deserves better than ultra-rough penciling. This here is another idle doodle moment while I deliberate on what ideas I really want to seize upon and shove in people’s faces…

“May the Fourth be with you!” says Threepio…

Happy Star Wars Day! Here’s a quick sketch of C-3PO to celebrate and if you want to read a sentimental, ultra-gushy ramble about why Star Wars is so brilliant, my Den of Week column this week is all about that.

May the Force be with you, indeed…

Creative Cogs are Turning…

Rough stuff, half-baked ideas and vague traces of thoughts for future things to come are in the aether. Here’s a representation of the sketchy ruminations and crackpot-scheme/mental machinery work that’s going on while I hold off actually dropping something. Plans and schemes are in the pipeline: it’s just working out which ones should be dredged and actually putting on my Super Mario dungarees to deal with ‘em.

Fresh creative projects and experiments coming soon. I swear… *runs away to think about ‘em even more*

Robo-Pin-Up Beach-Bombshell-Bot Rollergirl-Droid…

Robo-go-go for another great Twitter-based collaboration orchestrated by the very excellent Paul Groom (a.k.a. Origami Owl). This robot in a fashion model pose is just one of the classy AI contraptions ‘Up on the Botwalk’, on display for the good of robot cultural consciousness and creative collaborative spirit on the interweb. (Click on that link and get the whole thing in glorious high definition!)

I guess my robot - I’ll call her Shelley - is trying to sell vintage beachwear and rollerskates. Either that or she’s a prototype for the robot roller derby tournaments that are going to rock the sporting world at some point. It’s going to be better than Rollerball. The future’s bright - the future’s ultraviolent feminist android action sports…

Héctor 2 of Timecrimes…

Here’s doodlish fan-art-type-stuff for an excellent, head-turning Spanish sci-fi horror flick. Here’s pink-bandage man Héctor 2 of Timecrimes which is a superb timetravel vignette from several years back that will make your brain ache and unnerve you. The result of watching it recently is that I’m now resolved to never attempt time travel. I also have the image of Héctor 2 imprinted in my memory and, thus, ended up sketching him when my hands were idle…

Twitter Tedium Taser…

Zap! Here’s a scrappy doodle developing imaginary invention ideas off the back of an online rant I ended up going off on yesterday. It’s the Twitter Tedium Taser which zaps boring conversation and banal blather with mega-voltage and shocks the offender so much that they’ll be sorry they ever started to mope about on social networking sites. You talk about the weather: ZAP! ZAP! You whinge about work colleagues, public transport, your trip to the post office or other humdrum hassles: ZAP! You start repeatedly chronicling what you’re eating, post up pictures of your pets or go off on pity parties about how crap you feel: ZAP!

This, of course, all confirms my prejudices, tastes and interests (or disinterests). You might say “stop following people if you’re irked by what they broadcast!” but, in truth, I’m following them because I like them as people and believe them to be interesting folk with a lot to offer. It’s frustrating then when you find yourself scrolling through feeds of tedium and being overwhelmed by a draining dirge of dullness or negativity. Have I got these people wrong? Am I using the internet wrong and living in denial by refusing to allow ‘real world’ crapness to pollute my online activity? I don’t know, but it makes me want to take major wattage to the interwebs and electrify the whole thing into some revitalising excitement and fresh inspiration.

What we have here, in the the internet and social media sites and devices, are amazing tools that carry the potential to bring out the best in ourselves and others. There are unlimited possibilities for creativity, fun, imagination, positive spirit, social engagement and so on. Why then waste it on whinging, bitching, boredom and the lamest aspects of ‘real life’? Where’s the joy or reason in going online just to be a negative creep?

We can do so much better. I say let’s be excellent and use Twitter and other cyber-constructs to kick arse, spread enthusiasm, upbeat energy and have a blast by being conversational, witty, imaginative and raving about cool stuff - not by publicly bemoaning our lot, dwelling in monotony, broadcasting the most stultifying mundane matter or just being an arsehole.

There’s my call to arms, and I’m armed with the Twitter Tedium Taser. ZAP!

Shroomscape…

Some mushroom mania and fungi fun for ye while I try and tackle the crippling Deathcaps of Creative Indecision (them damn spores are deadly). I have lots of projects and lots of ideas for radical shake-ups and right now my hands are wrung out trying to pick which one I want to run with. I’m all caught up on “what do people want from me?” and “what do I want to devote myself to?”

Maybe I should just take some magick mushrooms, relax about it all and wait for psychotropic hallucinatory inspiration. I’m joking, kids - drugs are never the answer. A trip to the Mushroom Kingdom, however, does make everything seem better…

Amorous Invertebrate Charmer…

He’s trying to worm his way into your affections…

Ultra-Fruit Machine…

More machinery doodling and tech-sketch action. Here’s an invention to end world hunger and provide fresh fruit for the masses. Behold the Ultra-Fruit Machine! Nice pear…

Machinery Doodling…

Yeah, this is more like it. When my hands are idle (or when I’m sat with a pen and some paper while making rock ‘n’ roll radio) I end up doodling machines. It’s very meditative. Expect more tech-sketchin’ in the future…